Sextortion and Our Daughters

Sextortion is a form of sexual exploitation that employs non-physical forms of coercion to extort sexual favors from the victim. Sextortion refers to the broad category of sexual exploitation in which abuse of power is the means of coercion, as well as to the category of sexual exploitation in which threatened release of sexual images or information is the means of coercion. Wikipedia

Holy Hormones Journal:

Well, I learned a new word today. I had heard of ‘sexting’ – but ‘sextortion’? And our adolescent daughter’s? A decade ago, we were all aghast at middle school girls giving blow jobs to their ‘boy’ friends. And yes, I meant to write ‘boy’ and ‘friend’ separately – because these are casual acquaintances – not ‘boyfriends’.

The vamping of our daughters – robbing them of their childhood with graphic images – lewd words, bullying, pressure, extortion. Is there really any difference in the young girl who is involved in this type of behavior and a girl who was kidnapped and who is being trafficked for money? Not really. Except your daughter gets to go home and sleep in her pretty little bedroom after having been sodomized.

But does she sleep – or is she traumatized – emotionally stricken. Ashamed, broken.  And would you know the signs?

Is this any different than ‘breaking’ a horse? What happens when you take the free spirit and you harness it for your control. This is what happens to adolescent girls. They become broken – lost at a very fragile age in a world that has fucked them before they even got out of the chute.

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Our daughters are victims of a patriarchy gone bad. Of a system that has no honor for women. No recognition of our contributions. No acceptance of our voice at the table. Erased our history. The only thing we have of value is our body – to be pillaged or to bear children. After that how many women are thrown out with the bathwater? Husbands of many years divorce their wives and leave them penniless.  Women are fucked again after 30 years of marriage.

The poverty rate for all women age 65 and older is 10.7 percent, just over one in 10. However, for African American and Hispanic women, the poverty rates are almost double that. Just over one-fifth of African American and Hispanic women (21.5 percent and 21.3 percent respectively), fall below the poverty level. ~ Older Women And Poverty: A Not So Rosy Picture

We have to look at what is happening to women across the whole spectrum. It is just not about the exploitation of our daughter’s – nor it is about the cutting off and cutting out of all of our body parts that makes us a woman – nor is it just about how we struggle to survive as we age. It is the whole spectrum of womanhood in this corrupt system that uses and abuses women.

How do we change this picture?

Well, we are not going to stop ‘sextortion’, or sex trafficking or any other type of abuse unless we empower our daughters at an early age. We have to teach our daughters that they have more value than what lies between their legs. Because they are part of the problem.  The way they dress, act, make lewd comments, allow themselves to be coerced.  I never thought I would hear myself saying this… but a little girls in tight jeans and a tank tops or short skirts do not know how to say no – and mean no. Older women do. They can dress provocatively, flaunt their stuff – and keep the door shut.

They have no idea of the repercussions until they have been royally fucked. And then their little house of cards comes tumbling down. The tough girl act is gone. And she becomes your little girl again. Except that she is now damaged goods. In her eyes and in other people’s eyes. Some recover – some girls turn to alcohol and drugs and a life on the streets… and some girls dive down so deep – they never come back.

And what exacerbates all of their feelings is the hormonal roller coaster ride they are on – right? Some days they are able to cope and once a month they burn and crash because they do not understand why is going on with their mind, their moods, and their hormone cycles. They do not understand that they hole of depression they dive down into is a phase induced by the menstrual cycle. They do not understand they will pop out on the other side.

Sadly, this is where we lose a lot of our daughters. They have not been educated about their bodies. In fact, diving into this hole once a month is probably why they become vulnerable to become exploited in the first place. So in addition to everything else, in their mind, their body has fucked them over too.

And what happens to the boys that fucked them? Nothing.

And now you know why I work so hard to break this cycle of abuse against women – in a world were we have all been sextorted in one way or another.

Pornography is another addiction. And it changes the brain. I know. I was married to a man that hid his addiction for many years… just like so many other women have. And then one day there is nowhere left to hide. Suddenly being thrown out with the bathwater does not sound so bad after all.

 

Pornography has changed the landscape of adolescence beyond all recognition

As a study reveals a sharp rise in the number of schoolgirls at risk of emotional problems, Allison Pearson says we need to embolden our daughters to fight back against pornography – however embarrassing it may be

The Telegraph
By 9:06PM BST 22 Apr 2015

Sometimes you hear a story that is so awful that it refuses to leave your mind, no matter how fervently you beg it to go away.texting_3011129b

I was told one such story recently by a family doctor. Readers of a squeamish disposition may want to look away now.

I was having dinner with a group of women when the conversation moved onto how we could raise happy, well-balanced sons and daughters who are capable of forming meaningful relationships in an age when internet pornography is as freely available as a glass of water. Porn has changed the landscape of adolescence beyond all recognition. Like other parents of our generation, we were on a journey without maps or lights, although the instinct to protect our children from the darkness was overwhelming.

A couple of the women present said that they had forced themselves to have toe-curlingly embarrassing conversations with their teenagers on the subject. “I want my son to know that, despite what he might see on his laptop, there are things you don’t expect a girl to do on a first date, or a fifth date, or probably never,” said Jo.

A GP, let’s call her Sue, said: “I’m afraid things are much worse than people suspect.” In recent years, Sue had treated growing numbers of teenage girls with internal injuries caused by frequent anal sex; not, as Sue found out, because she wanted to, or because she enjoyed it – on the contrary – but because a boy expected her to. “I’ll spare you the gruesome details,” said Sue, “but these girls are very young and slight and their bodies are simply not designed for that.”

Her patients were deeply ashamed at presenting with such injuries. They had lied to their mums about it and felt they couldn’t confide in anyone else, which only added to their distress. When Sue questioned them further, they said they were humiliated by the experience, but they had simply not felt they could say no. Anal sex was standard among teenagers now, even though the girls knew that it hurt.

There was stunned silence among the mothers around that dinner table, although I think some of us may have let out involuntary cries of dismay and disbelief.

For Sue’s surgery isn’t in some inner-city borough where kids may have been brutalised or come from cultures where such practices are commonly used as contraception. Sue works in the leafy heart of Hampshire. The girls presenting with incontinence were often under the age of consent and from loving, stable homes. Just the sort of kids who, only two generations ago, would have been enjoying riding and ballet lessons, and still looking forward to their first kiss, not being coerced into violent sex by some kid who picked up his ideas about physical intimacy from a dogging video on his mobile.

The harm, of course, is not just physical. A study this week revealed that the number of schoolgirls at risk of emotional problems has risen sharply. Scientists for the Journal of Adolescent Health were surprised to see a 7 per cent spike in only five years among girls aged 11 to 13 reporting emotional issues. Boys remained fairly stable while girls faced “unique pressures”. Researchers said the causes could include the drive to achieve an unrealistic body shape, perpetuated by social media and an increasing sexualisation of young women.

 

Read full article…

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Author: Leslie Carol Botha

Author, publisher, radio talk show host and internationally recognized expert on women's hormone cycles. Social/political activist on Gardasil the HPV vaccine for adolescent girls. Co-author of "Understanding Your Mood, Mind and Hormone Cycle." Honorary advisory board member for the Foundation for the Study of Cycles and member of the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research.