Zahie El Kouri: Don’t Tell Her to Relax

Do you know of someone suffering from infertility? Former attorney, Zahie El Kouri shares her story in this remarkable podcast. And then she took her story and wrote an easy to read primer with 22 tips on ways to support your loved on through this ordeal. The podcast is ready for listening and learning.

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Coming up on the Next Holy Hormones Honey! Podcast

Zahie EL Kouri
Don’t Tell Her to Relax
22 Ways To Support Your Infertile Loved One
on the
The Liberty Beacon Media Network


10.04.15 portrait-zahie

Zahie El Kouri writes about infertility and immigrant culture, sharing her experience of surviving infertility through personal essays and articles.  She has taught creative writing at the University of North Florida and the University of Oregon Law School and legal writing at Santa Clara University and Florida Coastal School of Law. She holds a J.D. from Cornell Law School and an MFA in creative writing from New School University.

El Kouri’s work has appeared in Mizna, a Journal of Arab-American writing, Memoir Journal, Dinarzad’s Children: an Anthology of Arab-American Literature, Brain, Child: the Magazine for Thinking Mothers, Ars Medica, and Full Grown People.  She currently lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and three beautiful children.

Over 1.4 million American women are unable to bear children, or are using some type of fertility treatment to assist in their efforts to have children. While these statistics illustrate the 10.04.15 Don't Tell her to Relaxpervasive issue of infertility in the U.S., they do not begin to illustrate the emotional toll that infertility produces: feelings of social isolation, depression, and frustration. Worse yet, family members and friends of those struggling with infertility oftentimes don’t know how to help, or know what to say when they try to comfort and support a loved one.

To try and help those struggling with infertility and the people who love them, the former lawyer wrote Don’t Tell Her to Relax: 22 Ways to Support Your Loved One Through Diagnosis, Treatment and Beyond.

Based on her own painful experiences, El Kouri teaches readers how to be supportive with women dealing with fertility issues without being intrusive or offensive. Written in a compassionate and friendly tine, the book is the ultimate guide for family members and friends who wish to help and emotionally support a loved one cope with the stress and frustration of infertility.

“Between 2007 and 2011, I went through a dozen IUIs, three rounds of IVF, three miscarriages, and extensive genetic testing,” says El Kouri. I met with two adoption agencies, two adoption lawyers, and one adoption consultant. then in 2010, I conceived twins with the help of IVF, and lost one around eleven weeks. In 2011, I gave birth to a boy who today is a charming, energetic and verbal toddler. I wanted another child, so in 2013, I went through additional testing and another frozen embryo transfer which failed. My husband and I were in the process of setting out calendar for our next frozen embryo transfer when I spontaneously and accidentally became pregnant with twins.”

“There was a long period in my life during which I was simultaneously trying to get pregnant, explore adoption, and trying to imagine a life without children. During those years, there was a part of me that wanted to retreat, because it was so hard to explain how I was feeling to people who weren’t struggling with the same issues,” says El Kouri. “At that time, I remember wishing there was a manual I could hand to thme, with step-by-step guidelines for what not to say to help me through a difficult time. When I finally did have a child, I didn’t forget that need. I wrote the book to bridge the gap between those going though infertility and their loved ones. ”

In addition, to her own experience, El Kouri has also researched the growing concern over male infertility. In a statement issued by her agent, Smith Publicity, Inc., El Kouri shared that

“A group of researchers from the National University of Singapore’s Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine has demonstrated that hydrogen sulphide, when applied exogenously, could protect testicular germ cells, male reproductive cells, against heat-induced injury, one of the major causes of male infertility.

“Male infertility affects approximately seven percent of men worldwide and is increasing faster than female sterility. Heat stress, which could be caused by saunas, excessive exercise and heat exposure working environment, is one of the major causes of male infertility.”

In this upcoming podcast we will be discussing:

  • What not to say to a loved one who is struggling with infertility.
  • Common causes and different diagnostic procedures.
  • The truth behind various treatments and their financial costs.
  • The volatility of emotions that fertility hormones can produce, and how to handle them.
  • All of the ways possible to build your own family, including surrogacy, gestational carriers and embryo adoption.


Don’t Tell Her to Relax is available through Amazon, Barnes and Noble Nook, and her website

Connect with El Kouri on,,, and


Author: Leslie Carol Botha

Author, publisher, radio talk show host and internationally recognized expert on women's hormone cycles. Social/political activist on Gardasil the HPV vaccine for adolescent girls. Co-author of "Understanding Your Mood, Mind and Hormone Cycle." Honorary advisory board member for the Foundation for the Study of Cycles and member of the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research.

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